My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
