I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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