Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
