That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I need water and some morals
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