she's into porn, im staying here tonight
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
