I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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