the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
