She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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