Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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