All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
