Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
