She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize