break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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