barbara walters just said penis...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
