I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
