One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
