capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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