I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
