1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
