About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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