I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
