I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
