Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And then he peed in my hair
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