yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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