if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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