Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
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