I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize