my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He has the fingertips of a God
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