I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
