Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
