i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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