textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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