Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
