I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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