Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize