Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
