I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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