Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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