I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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