i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
