Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
