I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
