we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
