I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
