my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
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Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insuranceâ€
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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