Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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