Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
