So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize