Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
