You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Even my vagina gasped.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
