We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
