I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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