Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
