We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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