you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
