So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
