he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
