Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
