Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
