I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
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No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
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He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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