i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
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They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
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Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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