Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
