I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across