**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
