he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place