my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something