Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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