there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.