I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize